In my memory, yesterday feels utopian. And in fact, as I was living through yesterday, I recalled to myself, "this is euphoric." and I wonder if I made it up to make myself feel better and more hopeful. Even as I was going through it, I wondered if I was making it up, like the pain actually is either never there, or like the pain was still there, and I just couldn't notice it. Yesterday as far as I can remember was great, and the day before was mostly ok. I can think of, over the past week, if I look back.. more than half of what I remember from this past week are memories of times where it actually wasn't bad. There were two really bad days, and more than two days that were pretty good. Today is fluttery, and I already know that no one cares: they care so little, they have actually found ways to induce pain in my chest, and do so regularly, I kid you not, and it is seriously a WEAK response. I am psychologically WEAK. I'm tired of being told messages ranging from "you don't matter" to "I know what your problem is" ::if you really knew, then you would be a sadistic human for what you are letting me live through.