Winning in a losing way.

I haven't been out for a walk yet this morning, how nice it is to take it easy for minute. I feel like I could go, but this evening, there's kayaking, and I think I'm going to do that, so.. chill out for a minute.

I didn't get much rest after heart surgery. I both did and didn't. The recovery team emphasized exercise. I didn't know what to expect. I woke up, and I laid there in a room alone for maybe 5 minutes. The nurses came in and greeted me. We spoke just barely, I don't remember much of what was said, just that they wanted me to walk down the hall to another room, and I was just thinking, "You're insane, right?"

But I figured, they're saying I can do it, let's just do this. I was walking less than 1 hour after waking up from HS.

It wasn't a big walk, or major thing, but it really was a major thing.

I have no idea what standard practice is: I tend to assume that they have at least some level of variety in how they deal with patients. Heart surgery is so new, I don't think everything is known. So, some people walk really right away, and maybe some people get more of a break.

Sometimes I wonder if HSRs used to get more of a break, and maybe it is standard practice for everyone to walk right after waking up now.

I used to do a lot of bicycling, and recently I got a bicycle again.. but I'm enjoying walking!

Will probably end up on the bicycle at some point.

It's nice to take it easy for a minute... I don't even feel lazy since it really feels like I do ok on exercise, it feels smart, because breaks are good.

So if I'm not exercising, what am I doing?

Ah, blogging is such an activity, isn't it? We just.. talk about anything. I usually just talk about what's going on. 時々日本語を含めましょうように練習したり。

今日は良い日を過ごすように。

第二言語を使う時は積極的に使うのは私の好みです。

想像を使ったり、勉強になるように。

It's nice going back to the Omoide Mori.

It's more exercise!!!

Everything about being awake is some form of exercise. You could just be laying there, thinking... it's still something.

And then, you just have to keep asking: "How to keep it interesting?"

That's the real question: the substance of a conversation, the place where something is appealing, 魅力的。

Well, I guess they say that different people are different for a reason. Some things clash against eachother, and other things mesh together, and that's where it looks boring.

It's actually the antonyms that feel so boring there.

タイピングするのは楽しいですね。

皆さん、元気でね！

LJ similarities

are so strong, I decided to look up my LJ recently to see what my old posts were like. There was one particular post about seeing someone having a seizure that I think is a planted post: I don't think I wrote it, I don't think it happened. I have zero memory of it, and I have strong reason to believe that someone placed it there for some reason, I don't think my memory is that bad, particularly around something like that.

Today, someone tried to hit me with a car. I was walking across a crosswalk at an intersection, the car was stopped across the street behind a stop sign, and while I was in the middle of the crosswalk, the person just suddenly slammed on the pedal and veered their car directly at me, came very close to me. And me, being my dumbass self, this has happened to me before but not quite this bad, but I just chase the car and try to defend myself in all the wrong ways.

WTF.

I'm moving on, but it's pretty obvious why being alive is miserable when stuff like that happens. Urgh.

I saw a fire fighter parked in a firetruck on my way home. I have some bad experiences with both police and EMTs.. though some good experiences with EMTs too. My encounter rate with firefighters is about zero until now, we have just stayed clear of each other, and I have tried to maintain respect for them, because there's got to be some good job, right? Someone good, because of the job they hold? OK.

Now I keep telling you I've got these bad issues about my temper, it just held up right there. I tried to maintain my cool, and I didn't do as nicely as I would have liked to. I complained about the person that almost hit me, and the guy asked if I was ok, very nice. I'm happy that on my end, I still have good experiences with fire fighters, I hope that holds up, it would be so cool to have everything move in a sane direction here where authorities start to actually make sense again.

I felt bad because I yelled that this needs to be fixed. I get really upset at society's desire to place accountability on a victim: "something bad happened to me, now it's my responsibility to explain the bad thing to you." I don't like it, I can't deal with it, it's unpaid time, it's annoying, it's trauma review, and I'm tired.

So I'll just make a call out here saying sorry to the fire fighter who didn't deserve to be yelled at. Literally just asked if I was ok, and I just couldn't deal.

----

To me, everything comes down to HS. Everyone wants to say my brain is doing this, and I don't care, you are probably at least partially right: but the connection between the heart and the brain are so heavy that of course if you have problems with one, you can expect something else where. I'm tired of being told I'm missing two hands: if I'm really missing two hands, I may actually be missing two hands, maybe you really will try to lobotomize me.

And if you do, then I have active reason to be paranoid, which means I'm not paranoid, so I'm gonna really need some stuff to start making sense here.

If you didn't actively sign up for heart surgery, then you have zero clue what I know about bad health.

This is just a horrible life.

Over all, the day had some good points too, but I am exhausted from all the bad things where the list keeps growing and growing, like seriously unreasonably.