Waking up.
Jul. 8th, 2025 08:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sennashi_doreiYesterday, I didn't go to the pool, but did do 3 walks. Diagnosed with plantar fascitis, I'm unsure what to aim for, and am worried that such is overdoing it.
The feet are slightly sore today, but no complaints large enough to feel regretful about yesterday! Weather report is calling for storms 4 days in a row. Yesterday was mostly good weather aside from a short time of rainfall.. so.. see what happens.. we may end up stopping by the pool just because. I'm sorta ok with taking it easy.
It felt BRAVE where I was in terms of the pool last summer. Because I just kept going back. I was getting hurt, and they just kept encouraging me that everything was ok. I took breaks. I was planning on that from the start, but they were sometimes difficult to want.
There was a time where I exercised much less. I was able to redirect that, it is sort of a weird dynamic where I find a defense for an activity that is often looked at badly these days. Couldn't have been great for me, but I was able to stay calm, which was a place of happiness for me. No one would ever agree that I was calm, but whatever.
Yesterday, I was walking, thinking about posting how I was feeling.. this point of: "there's either energy or there's not, and when there's not, it's such a hefty level of not that it's actually scary." I think I could argue that I've had at least some level of that even since the surgery, but it was waaaaaay less strong in my 20s, and honestly, in my 20s.. it was like.. wanting to have words for problems that... really weren't there?
I was just so convinced that you get heart surgery, it only fixes so much, and there are still problems. But much of my 20s, I look back at very fondly. There just wasn't pain like there is these days, heart surgery fixed pain for me.
But, you get your chest sliced open, and you know that, so it's a trauma point. You try to logically understand how such a severe act could be positive. I went at least 10 years before I even tried talking about it, that was awesome.
Still thought about it every day, just, didn't mention it.
It was awesome not to talk about it. And it's great, looking back, remembering that I didn't talk about it, and that I did think about it.
The feet are slightly sore today, but no complaints large enough to feel regretful about yesterday! Weather report is calling for storms 4 days in a row. Yesterday was mostly good weather aside from a short time of rainfall.. so.. see what happens.. we may end up stopping by the pool just because. I'm sorta ok with taking it easy.
It felt BRAVE where I was in terms of the pool last summer. Because I just kept going back. I was getting hurt, and they just kept encouraging me that everything was ok. I took breaks. I was planning on that from the start, but they were sometimes difficult to want.
There was a time where I exercised much less. I was able to redirect that, it is sort of a weird dynamic where I find a defense for an activity that is often looked at badly these days. Couldn't have been great for me, but I was able to stay calm, which was a place of happiness for me. No one would ever agree that I was calm, but whatever.
Yesterday, I was walking, thinking about posting how I was feeling.. this point of: "there's either energy or there's not, and when there's not, it's such a hefty level of not that it's actually scary." I think I could argue that I've had at least some level of that even since the surgery, but it was waaaaaay less strong in my 20s, and honestly, in my 20s.. it was like.. wanting to have words for problems that... really weren't there?
I was just so convinced that you get heart surgery, it only fixes so much, and there are still problems. But much of my 20s, I look back at very fondly. There just wasn't pain like there is these days, heart surgery fixed pain for me.
But, you get your chest sliced open, and you know that, so it's a trauma point. You try to logically understand how such a severe act could be positive. I went at least 10 years before I even tried talking about it, that was awesome.
Still thought about it every day, just, didn't mention it.
It was awesome not to talk about it. And it's great, looking back, remembering that I didn't talk about it, and that I did think about it.
