sennashi_dorei

It didn't rain today, and we didn't go to the pool. I was almost excited about it because the weather report said tomorrow was supposed to be good weather, but of course that changed just to make me miserable. I still had time to go back and head to the pool today, and I just decided I didn't feel up for it.

The appointment today went fine. They are going to be running several tests to try to find out what's going on. They are taking their time about it... I'm sad because of chest pains.. but I just anticipate that any solution might be so extreme that maybe it is worth taking time so as not to system shock, who knows.

I did some towel stretches, and my feet feel insanely and instantaneously relieved, I guess I'll need to keep that up.

Planning to go out again today hopefully, but what a take it easy sort of day. With the doctor's appointment, I think it just makes sense. My next appointment is over a week away, and I'm sure I'll be fine.

I feel fragile about going to New York. Sure it will be great.

Today is starting out pretty good. When I did the 10 mile thing in one day last Fall... I had 3 weeks where I was scared to walk much. I felt exhausted in a way where my body said "even though I'm glad I did that... I'm definitely not acclimated to it." And it was nice in some ways... those 3 following weeks, I didn't have chest pains or problems, and I just relaxed greatly for 3 weeks.
It makes you feel lazy though. If I'd've just paced myself, maybe I could have gotten 5 miles done, and then had energy to do 5 miles another day, which actually is regular for me sometimes, and then I could have gotten in more other weeks... but it is entirely dependent on if the drop of energy after the walk is actually related to the exercise, which maybe it wasn't? I was not stressed at all doing 10 miles that day.
Anyway, yesterday's exhaustion was similar to those 3 weeks, and I was scared I might already be done with the pool, even having only just started.

Today, the skies are dark. Maybe if I'm lucky, the pool will be open even though. I feel up for it, it is not those 3 weeks! There are calls for bad weather both today and tomorrow, no fun.

I also decided that I'm taking next Wednesday off most likely.. the day before my trip, I want to conserve some energy, because there's a pretty nice list of things to do while I'm up that way!

Sometimes, I really want to be an olympics person, the best of the best... I think it's partially an internet thing, because you see all the super people doing super things. Sometimes I feel like I already must be: I don't think that anywhere even near .5% of the human population receives heart surgery in the early 20s, so I'm very "a league of their own." I know I'm not the only one, but talk about rarities, that's where I'm at.

So it's like: "What are you training for?" And the picture gets distorted in really weird ways, because I'm convinced that the average person my age can do absolutely everything I do, and with ease.

I managed to complete a section of a development on an origami method that is... actually simple, like, easily comparable to a piece that I started working on a year or two ago. But.. it sort of looks simple and comparable... I can remember working on an earlier model, knowing that a certain type of development was possible, and not knowing how to do that. I actually have advanced to how to do that. Maybe it is possible to discover without teachers, it has to be in some ways, but I am finding teachers, and I will just be grateful and thankful.

Today is my doctor's appointment, wish me luck!!

Yesterday, I didn't go to the pool, but did do 3 walks. Diagnosed with plantar fascitis, I'm unsure what to aim for, and am worried that such is overdoing it.

The feet are slightly sore today, but no complaints large enough to feel regretful about yesterday! Weather report is calling for storms 4 days in a row. Yesterday was mostly good weather aside from a short time of rainfall.. so.. see what happens.. we may end up stopping by the pool just because. I'm sorta ok with taking it easy.

It felt BRAVE where I was in terms of the pool last summer. Because I just kept going back. I was getting hurt, and they just kept encouraging me that everything was ok. I took breaks. I was planning on that from the start, but they were sometimes difficult to want.

There was a time where I exercised much less. I was able to redirect that, it is sort of a weird dynamic where I find a defense for an activity that is often looked at badly these days. Couldn't have been great for me, but I was able to stay calm, which was a place of happiness for me. No one would ever agree that I was calm, but whatever.

Yesterday, I was walking, thinking about posting how I was feeling.. this point of: "there's either energy or there's not, and when there's not, it's such a hefty level of not that it's actually scary." I think I could argue that I've had at least some level of that even since the surgery, but it was waaaaaay less strong in my 20s, and honestly, in my 20s.. it was like.. wanting to have words for problems that... really weren't there?

I was just so convinced that you get heart surgery, it only fixes so much, and there are still problems. But much of my 20s, I look back at very fondly. There just wasn't pain like there is these days, heart surgery fixed pain for me.

But, you get your chest sliced open, and you know that, so it's a trauma point. You try to logically understand how such a severe act could be positive. I went at least 10 years before I even tried talking about it, that was awesome.

Still thought about it every day, just, didn't mention it.

It was awesome not to talk about it. And it's great, looking back, remembering that I didn't talk about it, and that I did think about it.

And it's awesome, because I can actually do that. I don't usually do a ton all at once, there have only been a few occasions where I have done such.

I'm trying to pace myself so as not to over do it. Once this project is over, I'll be back to doing much less, which actually works fine, because when I do less, I choose different types of projects to work on, instead of just stream=lining one specific model.

Well, I was really big into modular origami back in the day... so as much as I say I'm not used to doing a ton at once.. I have probably worked on at least 20-30 projects that involved making a whole lot of the same piece, and assembling them together.

It is actually a new experience to try working on different projects, single sheet different projects... So.. this is like an in between, there.

Spending a post talking about "how I'm doing"... some good thing that happened, some reason that things are going ok... I like those posts a lot because they mean I actually have something to be happy about. But they often feel lacking character, like when you are in school, they try to teach to write about anything other than yourself.

Well anyway, I got a good night's sleep, so that was nice. I went several nights not sleeping well, so it's nice that it finally changed.

Social media video services can be annoying for their focus sometimes. Oh, this one actually is interesting!! YOUTUBE, the website is called YOUTUBE, and funnily enough, in geometric origami, there's a certain recurring pattern that is like a tube, in fact, it is often called a tube pleat. There's a lot of different types of tubes that can be made with paper, but the specific type of tube pleat I'm talking about is very 2d. So was youtube originally meant to be an origami website?? Oh, that's not even the only example of a connection, so epic.

Tried playing a game with some friends... it was interesting, not bad at all, might try again sometime.

I really want to find more websites to hang out on than just FB. I can think of several others that seem to be common usage, but ah it is difficult switching those gears!

7/7 is Tanabata, so that's fun.

Anyway, 皆さん、元気でね！！

Today is definitely not the best day so far.

When I was a kid, I was sometimes very scared of the pool. I knew I had a heart condition since I was 5 years old. It was talked about that there were solutions available, but it was an option that was not mandatory, and other solutions were being sought after.
Well, if you're a kid that is told that you have a heart condition, some things are scary. Climbing stairs is exhausting, and you've already been told what's wrong, but you still have to do it anyway. Going for walks: I went for walks, but I was not a runner. One time, I ran a very short distance, and got definitely pretty messed up from it, so that wasn't so great at all.

Well.. I specifically remember this one pool that I would go to.. I would usually only get in the water just once the entire time I was there, maybe twice at most. It always felt like "switching activities" was the big deal that was so difficult. I can remember thinking to myself: "I have a heart condition, I'm really not supposed to do too much." So, the pool was pretty scary in it's own way, and as a kid, I did not bank a lot of pool time at all.

Last year was the first time I spent a lot of time at the pool. Maybe about 3 years ago now, I started picking up exercise a bit more, and I finally landed at the pool... it was a lot of fun, but I definitely got hurt/damaged. I ended up in the ER 2-4 times last Summer from swimming. The first time I went, I did more than I felt I had ever done, and it scared me that I did so much, so I ended up checking in to make sure that I was on the right path.

The doctors did some minor screening, they weren't super concerned, gave me the seal of approval and I went on my way. Less than a week later... it actually did get bad, and the ER made sense. I went, and they did the routine checks... again, told me everything was fine, and sent me packing with a boat load of cheers.

One time I went to the ER, it was at least as scary as pre surgery, I was seriously convinced they might have to operate... they kept me in and monitored more heavily that time, so it was obvious that they could tell something was up, and I am so appreciative for the amount and types of care I received, they were a really good bunch of folks.. basically working on me? How else do you phrase it?

In the end, they said I was fine, and sent me home.. and thankfully, by the time I went home, I was feeling better... but it was very scary.

Well, I had about 2 months of mostly pool days last Summer.. that is soooo much. This year, it's going to be a bit less. I have a trip in the middle of July planned, so I'll have a set of different activities for some days.

The pool shape is different than the one I used last year, so I'll be doing different exercise than last year. I'm just trying to take my time, and prioritize having a good time.

It's going good so far, I don't feel like I over-exerted myself, we had an awesome time.

So now, it's the end of the day, and it's wind down time!!

Pretty much just origami and social media for the evening. Trying to find or think of anything more fun for the rest of the day.

元気でね皆さん！
＃泳ぎ公園
よよぎですか？
おおおおおおお！！！なるほど！！！
楽しんでくださいませ！

初めての事です。
とても楽しかったです。
I might try to put up some origami pictures sometime.

Today, so far it is rainy.. supposedly it won't be as bad in the afternoon, but I doubt we are going to the pool today, so sad. Looks like probably tomorrow. We do have some fun plans for the day though, so it doesn't look *that* bad.

Last night, i was up late using the internet, it was pretty alright.

I have ice on my feet, really just wanting that to fix itself up, have been doing alright taking it easy, though it is a little boring.

Terrible problems about. Ergh. BB.

Getting ready to depart for the day, still a little tired.

今日はアニメを見ながら、泳ぎたいです！

I think I'm losing my Japanese? I don't know. I use it sometimes, but I was just watching this video, and I was completely tuning it out. Kind of sad.

Well, Waking up today... I started out getting up at 4:30 in the morning.. ate breakfast and then the usual thing happened, after about an hour, my body said "this is too soon to be awake," and I fell right back asleep.

I've been studying these flat origami geometric models, and it completely reminds me of studying a language. Back in the olden days, I learned a bit of how to play the cello, and it's similar to that too. It's so interesting to think about what sticks versus what doesn't. My Japanese is still around pretty strong comparatively to other languages that I studied... and I didn't honestly study cello that intensively, but even without playing, there are basics of it that I remember, particularly in reading music sheets.

Well, I just feel like, I'm studying this origami stuff, and as I think I've said before, it's been some 10 years doing origami now, and somehow I still feel like a beginner? It's so stupid. Not everything I do is super beginner level, but if you asked me, if an inexperienced person could pick up a piece of paper and do any of the projects that I've done before, I think the answer is yes.

It's sort of like that: "How long does it take to memorize a poem/song" routine.. then add "in another language" if you wanted.. "and memorize both the foreign and the translation"... yeah it's a lot like that.

If I've been doing origami for 10 years now, that might increase my likelyhood to stay with it over the years.. but I have no idea why I should bother. It's not rebelious that I do origami. I went to school for Asian studies, and I have to ask myself: "What is an Asian studies major supposed to do professionally?" While I watch the rest of society argue with me, and I just don't understand you.

I just wonder if I'm going to find development with where I'm at with these pieces. They are so much fun, and I'm more interested in engineering now more than ever. There's a lot of: "There's only so far you can run, before you find the truth" going on with this one.

I want to study more classical math, but I'm not sure that's really going to happen. Ah well.

皆さん、元気でね！