sennashi_dorei

I haven't seen or talked to my mom for 2 days now. They moved her out of the ICU, I tried to visit her yesterday, but the people working at the hospital said she was out getting a procedure at a connected hospital, and couldn't even connect me to the hospital she was at, or give me an estimate when she would be back. I am living without the internet or a functioning phoneline at home, so I sat in the hospital lobby, but then I ended up freaking out, because I tried calling someone who I try to consider a friend because they pay for me to have a phoneline, but they are honestly regularly interested in insulting me, and justifying human cruelty, so I'm beginning to think that I don't even care if I have a phone line: if people are going to act like this, then why am I supposed to be interested in talking to anyone anyway? So I freaked out, which is so customary of me, and the front desk lady came over, and I told her about my heart surgery, and her reply was literally: "I don't care." If you think that is ever the right thing to say to someone who tells you they have had heart surgery: IN A HOSPITAL, then you should not be working in a hospital. It should literally be a question on the interview: 'How would you deal with a sick person?"

My argument is not that my anger and freak outs should be considered ok, but they are a health problem, not a reason to call security. This is literally just fascism. How am I supposed to want good things for others when everyone wants such badness for me so constantly?

So today, I am sitting in the coffee shop, wondering how long it is going to take until I freak out here and am not allowed. There is literally no difference between my freaking out, and being fat. That's all it is, is an unattractive trait that I can't help about myself. And forget about just calling out fat people, there is such a thing as too thin too.