Stressed the hell out.

[sennashi_dorei]

I don't feel great today. I feel like nothing is going to work out: because I have literally watched things not work out to the point of me being in a jail cell: what the hell is wrong with all of you that you think a heart surgery recipient should ever be in a jail cell? How am I ever supposed to believe that anything is ever supposed to be even decent after #1: getting heart surgery and #2 going to jail after getting heart surgery. I have no idea what is wrong with everyone, but I am stressed the hell out. My chest feels not great at all. It's not chests pains, it's chest discomfort.. so I am losing hope that the meds I am taking are helping that much after all. The good news is that I fall asleep every night, but the bad news is, I can feel very disoriented and in discomfort while I fall asleep. I try to tell myself it is not that bad, because I fall asleep, and wake up feeling better... some nights I do still get a good night's sleep, but I am worried that the uncomfortable nights are going to pick up. Not a great day at all.

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[sennashi_dorei]

I went for a walk, and I feel just barely any better. I'm still so angry. I just keep thinking about the horrible things that happened to me: how am I not supposed to think anything is good? I am sooooo exhausted from how horrible everything is. I need adrenaline, but I cannot run, I can just go for a walk, I wish I could run, and then everything turns boring, I am exhausted and bored at the same time. Mom is laying here with a busted lip because she fell in the night, and the facility is not giving her a full rail. They said they will try and work on it.. they just put in a very short railing that will do absolutely nothing, so I complained, and they said they will see what they can do, but this is all very annoying.

[sennashi_dorei]

Mom's getting some rest, nice.