sennashi_dorei

Today has been great. After filing my complaint with the internet, as partially anticipated, I got the result I was looking for. No idea how long it will last, nothing ever stays good forever. Nice to actually have a break though, just so much frustration that it is even a problem, this is just surrounded by stupidity sometimes.... there's this thing about being a heart surgery recipient: you walk around, and you sort of anticipate that everyone is smarter than you, everyone has something to teach you. But.. I don't think it really works that way. Just because I had heart surgery, I would be willing to bet that it may have affected some of my intelligenc3e capability: but I bet anything, not nearly as strong as people want to believe. I feel like I can place bets in situations where I win, where I know what is going on. So that's cool. If you really want to put a healthy spin on it: you call it diversity, where everyone has something they can learn from another person. You never get to learn everything, but you can learn some things.

Ok, so I'll spend a little bit talking about pain and malease. Unfortunately, my right shoulder flared a little while I was walking today. First time of this year, sigh. I walked about 2 miles today, it went mostly ok, the shoulder, ankle and lower back had some pain, but all very low grade. My bigger complaint of the day also isn't a big complaint? I have this weird malease sometimes, I think it's a side effect of the new meds, because I haven't had this kind of discomfort before taking them, and given how much better I am doing on the whole, it's not really a huge issue. It's not my chest at all, it's like my whole body is kind of JUST SLIGHTLY off. But... you know that thing where you look at a picture, and one little thing is maybe somewhat out of place.. maybe you can't even place what it is, or you have no way to fix it.. it's jsut that one little off thing, it's like that. So, before meds, sleep was very give or take for a while, and now sleep is mostly going better. I am just slightly one of those: "even if you get 8 hrs of sleep, you still feel tired" kind of people, but it's not really extreme. There are ways in which I can remember what I felt like in my early 20s, post heart surgery... and tbh: i feel better, and am doing better than I thought I would be. I thought I would have a second heart surgery by now, and I felt like there was only so much I was going to be able to recover, and I feel like I am doing waaaay better than I anticipated! The past 2-3 yrs took the downturn swing that I was expecting... but meeting with doctors has found me some resolution.

I'm curious what's going to happen on the mental illness/health front, like the entire system I guess I am thinking about. There are ways where I feel like this is a phase being set up for me, where I have to do something like graduate, that is my hope about it. Do we have people that are randomly going to be hospitalized on and off for an entire life time? Argh, I hope not, and it scares me. But there is that: "what is sick?" "How well can someone get?" "What things get forgiven, or what things get better?" I have gone more than a year without being hospitalized more than once since my first hospitalization. So, it's very confusing. I hope there's some sort of graduation "this has to stop" kind of thing, because it is annoying getting literally captured and detained. Last year, I was hospitalized 3 times, and all three times were voluntary, but one or two times in particular were pretty horrible, the circumstances surrounding. I am trying to simply be ok... and it doesn't always work for me.