I'm so tired to tell you what I'd like.

Work is work: communication is work, and good communication is more work. Everything I do: try to pretend to be a regular person, blending in to the regular online environments. Amazon offended me. I like Amazon because being able to order things is handy. But they put "medical care" as one of the first categories you can sift through, and I'm offended. It's partially medical reasons that I like Amazon: because people with disabilities need access to things in easier ways. Now I'm stuck here working for free, giving you an Amazon review of how offended I am, because I can live without the assistance, and people.. perhaps even or especially people with health ailments need a break from medical. You have no idea how exhausting it is to be a patient, and no one should be one every minute of their waking life.

I wonder if there are disabled people that don't feel offended by it: I could imagine it to be true, this is accessibility.. it's also constant reminders.

I need life to be good, and currently it's so so. I feel trapped on a vacation that I don't want to be on. I thought humans were a collective species that took care of one another, but I'm excluded from the gang.

You don't care about heart surgery recipients, unless you're a person that gives or receives it, as best I can tell. I deserve a good life too, and I'm sorry that someone cut your heart out and didn't put it back without telling you: my life has potential too, and 90% of society just wants to say that I should be happy just to be dying. Nothing but Nazis, all of you.

Returning to English

These days, I feel way more returned to English than before. I can still call on my Japanese, but it's easier not to think about, dealing with English information feels closer to a mono lingual English experience. Thankfully I can still get away a bit. It's a very nice region of consciousness. I worry about losing much more experience dealing with Japanese. How strange, but true! When I didn't think that I was learning anymore, Japanese was able to prove that wrong, for me.