Everything is just not feeling great.

You might be surprised to know that I actually don't usually get too many headaches. I go through some phases every now and then where they are more common than other times: currently is one of those times, and I am just hoping that it continues to be a phase, and not some permanent new setting.

I have not been feeling so great for several days now, I guess nothing new.

It is mostly my spirits that are down. It's funny, because my *current* situation is not too terrible, other than some complaints, which per usual, I just don't know why are happening also.

But anyway, it is this upcoming stuff. I'm agreeing to this move, I don't really feel like I have choice around it. I was chosen for it, and there are ways where I stuck my head out and said: "this is what I'm looking for."

It doesn't feel like the end of the world, and it doesn't feel as bad as what I had before... so that's nice.

I am just exhausted, because I feel like people are supposed to get work contracts. I grew up in my mid 20s with work contracts. Year long programs of safety net that said "this is what the next year of your life is going to look like under these stipulations." I seriously miss those work contracts.

I just feel like, everyone makes decisions for me, and I barely pretend to go along with it, wondering why I'm so not in control of my daily circumstances.

I'm exhausted.

My head hurts, and my sinuses hurt. I had a flare up of something not too bad, I may be still dealing with that, and maybe that's why I have this terrible headache.

There are things that seem like they will get better with the move, and I do like adventure. But I'm sad to be leaving, and I'm sad that I don't have control over what city I live in. How is this not slavery?

I went to college, wasn't that supposed to help my life? I made some decisions based on what happened after that, and maybe you'd call me dumb, but you didn't just wake up from heart surgery.

I want to get a master's, but that's being made difficult because the system isn't actually helping people.

What is money? I could print it out for myself, and be called a counterfitter. Do you know what I can do with paper money, and you will call my work meaningless? Plastic can do it too, and then the magnets...

I'm so tired.

I've been up since 4 in the morning, and I wanted to go back to sleep, but I was too wide awake.

I watched today's AoT and it was so beautiful! My favourite project of the season so far. It's called Andromeda: great name too.

I'm not going to attempt to fold it for a while maybe. I don't feel like my grids are precise enough, and I purposefully, but also stupidly, did not put a great deal of effort into preserving them for these projects. I had alternative methods I could have used for preserving them, and I just didn't do that.

There are videos on how to do 24x grids that I haven't watched. I had my own technique, and said: "good enough". I might watch the video sometime.. but I think my technique isn't that bad, I'm sure I'm not the only one utilizing it.

I sort of want to skip the 24x and just do the 32x grid. I'm still having issues with the closed hexagon twist on the 24x grid, which is still confusing me since I'm not having the problem on the 16x grid, it's also a different type of paper, so who knows.

The teacher has given several channels where a student can go to ask questions: but I'm a pretty shy person, so I have not done that. I also don't mind figuring things out on my own: I feel convinced that the problem has to do with how I've been storing the paper, making it more fragile.

The very nice thing about the past several days:

I know my posts make it sound like everything is horrible, and there is absolutely a layer of truth to that unfortunately. But there is good news that looks like: every day, I have some options, that feel exactly like options, and not things that I HAVE to do, but if I take these options, they will make things better. And I go out of my way to take several options, and they really do make some things better.

Some of what is terrible, is truly my physical health. My chest pains are here, I have had them for some regular portion of this morning. They are not constant, I just get flutters of pain happening. It sucks. This headache, how my head feels in general, not that pleasant either. It's like a sinus pressure headache, and it is a little weird, because my sinuses are completely cleared.

This is an awesome thing: I often don't have problems with my sinus channel. Breathing through my nose is something that I can do without problem, really mostly all of the time! Somehow, you anticipate that certain things might happen with your body if you get heart surgery, and somehow, I see having closed sinuses as a possibility, but I seem to be unaffected, I'm curious how other recipients are fairing on that one. thx_docs.

NDY.

大げさの子

Maybe everyone hears this theory if they study a second language, I don't know: there is a theory, if you want good pronunciation, you have to reeeaaaally exaggerate the basic phonetics that you are taught. The theory goes: it is easier to step back than to keep stepping forward.

Today was a nice day. Got together with the parent, gave them an xmas present. It was an MP3 player!!

Fun fact: My family is basically part Amish? I don't know. I grew up in two households, and one used electricity, and the other did not. So heavily no electricity, that when night fell, it was only candle time.

Ah, I understand some Amish principles and sort of agree. Then you worry about things like untouchable tribes, and what happens if there's a sick person? That is a violation of human rights, as far as I'm concerned.

What a struggle.

We listened to this nice synthwave album called Eclipse. I listen to many synthwave albums, and unfortunately, there is a bit of a "this all sounds the same" syndrome.... ...but that's also how you can call it a genre. Eclipse at least several times jumps off some nice cliffs from the standard. Cool.

We had a pizza party. 家族。

Nice dia.