I am waking up actually feeling ok!

[sennashi_dorei]

Yay. Pretty much just expecting another nightmare day though. I'm not sure if one of these meds is going to pan out. And I feel like people don't even care. It's the same problem I have always had: feeling like people are more concerned with my problems dealing with other people (which are currently being caused by police officers putting a heart surgery recipient in a jail cell, and then showing up constantly around the heart surgery recipient, I am miserable, and I wish I were dead. So yeah, it does not feel like people care about ME at all. People care about how I interact, but are not willing to make sure that I am having a decent life or time. The emphasis on behavior in every interaction that comes my way, is not making me happy. My health sucks, and I literally feel a little bit better than usual right now, I GUESS. But that: "something is off in my comfort" is still kind of around, so, I don't know why I am.

Chest actually feels so so, everything is just not happy. My entire life is never ending nightmare after nightmare, problem after problem. I have no idea why I am alive. There are people that are nice and do good things, but my emphasis on judging every actions as good and bad doesn't feel so great, it just feels like what you are supposed to do. And there's still actually a lot of bad. I mean, I see way too many people with guns every day. And some people, like one person yesterday got really close to me, driving me behind me on a sidewalk on an electric bicycle, and I was already freaking out about something else, but i really don't like how rude I was. I hate myself. And then the cops showed up: and I'm fucking tired of constantly being threatened while also dealing with bad health. I honestly just want to die. I hate everything about being alive, even though some people are making efforts in good ways, it's not outweighing the problems, so I don't see why I am here: you are all treating me like... not even a human. I hate being alive, and I wish I were dead.