Everything is FOMO

[sennashi_dorei]

Maybe? I don't know. My chest has been intermittantly hurting since mid this afternoon. Oh, I'll never remember the useful facts of what I already know from this. Basically that the chest pains are isolated away from other stuff. It literally is like nothing matters at all. It is easy for me to not to care about things that aren't chest pains. If I don't have them, I can be happy even if some other stuff is going wrong. I can also be angry at reasonable times to be angry: I had a very nice time being angry earlier today, it was nice to be angry, and not feel like it was medically related. Sorry to the person on the other end of the phone who was not responsible for the problem that I was angry about, but dang, I really did have a fun ol' time.

I got a TON of exercise this morning, I literally was barely inside at all. My pedometer, I mean who knows how those things work anyway.. if I had to guess, I'd say 15-20,000 steps today, pedometer verifies at least 10,000 of them, and I just did 15,000 the other day, unbelievable, yah!

Maybe just because the numbers are so big, it feels impressive. I wasn't into physical activity when I was younger. It's not going to be a pleasant night laying down most likely, maybe not as bad as some nights.. I can dream that the pain will just decide to stop, but it's just not likely to happen. I feel really sick, and recently, I've been asking myself: "What's the difference between not feeling well and being sick?" and of course, capitalist society argues that if you're not contagious, then it's your job to be working, regardless of how much pain you are in: this is also an anti-female argument. Ugh, everything sucks.

Comments

[sennashi_dorei]

And just like that, my pain just basically went away after hours. I never know if it's worth mentioning, especially here on the internet where I hope all the spy doctors are. I used to never have chest pains until mostly a year to some years ago. It's actually pretty new. Roughly maybe around when I started talking about it on the internet, could actually be close to when it started happening. At least I got a good 10 years or so, more than 10 years, and some days I really do feel better than ever. It's like true turbulence.

[sennashi_dorei]

Slight momentary deep chest pain, very, very uncomfortable with sort of panting that felt like it helped.

I remember being in my mid 20s, thinking about how I'd regret what I'd done when I got to this age: I don't at all actually. I look back gladly at the decisions I made to be who I am.