I don't have to be here, but I am.

[sennashi_dorei]

Sometimes more than others, I definitely feel too stupid to be using the tools that I do.

I hate the sirens, they go off so regularly, and between the trauma of having been incarcerated unlawfully in combination with my unappreciation for the frequency level (I think)... It's like a constant threat. Sometimes I argue, it's like I'm being asked to permanently live in an MRI machine.

Every now and then, there will be bouts of time where they are not going off, and the silence can be overwhelming too.

Though usually with no sirens, I feel way more comfortable than otherwise.

Today, I'm here because it feels like a thing to do. I keep wondering if and or when I may leave and would I come back.

Comments

[mneme]

Not everywhere has constant/frequent sirens. If it's a big mental threat, it might be worth investigating if there's somewhere it's worth moving to.

At our old place (in Queens, NYC, so hardly no traffic), we didn't get a lot of sirens, but did get the occasional car alarm. And more importantly the ice cream trucks were loud enough that they would blast through the windows from several blocks away. I got really, really unhappy with the ice cream trucks.

The current place I think has more activist neighbors--plus we're back set from the street, so it's mostly really quiet (aside from the laundry room just outside the apt which we can hardly hear). No ice cream trucks, few to no sirens.

What I'm saying is that every place is different, so if you have the capacty to move, another area might be quieter.

[sennashi_dorei]

I'm currently not being given any options about my living circumstances. Humans are all criminals because I am perfectly willing to participate as a member of society, but this is a horrible life.

[sennashi_dorei]

There is also the issue that I was actually unlawfully arrested. I can think of 4 people who should be put in a behavioral health unit for their actions. I was physically assaulted (punched in the face with my head slammed into a table) while I was in custody. Then you get to the criminals working in behavioral health units: knocking someone out of consciousness for non medical reasons? Yes, I do call that a crime.

Glad that you are happy about where you are living: I'm not being given adequate decision making/responsibility/QOL to feel very happy about most things currently. Not everything is completely horrible: it seems easy that things could be better, but simply are not, and I am basically being told that effort means nothing.

[mneme]

I'm glad not everything is completely horrible, but I'm sorry about the things that are.

Are you currently homeless, hospitalized, or in the carcerial system? Or is there some other reason you don't have options about your living circumstances?

I'm not owed answers, of course; it's yours to decide what to say about your life.

[sennashi_dorei]

Homelessness is absolutely a crime of society against an individual. Demoralizing people is a crime. I wish I didn't get heart surgery, and died at 22 instead, everyone I have ever known is a criminal.

[sennashi_dorei]

Personally speaking, I don't think it's reasonable for any human on the planet to be homeless: it is literally just a situation induced upon a person so that others can insult them.